Americans irate after drone collision with Russian jet.
Two Russian SU-27 fighter jets encountered an American MQ-9 “Reaper” drone in international waters above the black sea.
The pentagon has released a statement saying the move was “reckless, environmentally unsound, and unprofessional”; the US has also summoned Russian ambassador, Anatoly Antonov to Washington to further chastise the Russian regime and demand further explanations for the loss in military equipment.
In response to these accusations, the Kremlin responded that the two Russian jets never directly interacted with the drone, and the actual reason for the crash was the drone operator trying to impress his “boys” by attempting a complicated maneuver which is colloquially known as a power slide. According to the Russian defense minister Sergei Shoigu, the two pilots reported observing the drone attempting extremely dangerous maneuvers over the black sea; this had left them extremely puzzled because each maneuver was completed with the skill and finesse of a 5 year old child playing with a toy airplane.
When confronted with these revelations, the pentagon vehemently denied them, and upheld the notion that American drone operators are the cream of the crop in the field. They cited their rigorous training methods as fool-proof techniques to weed-out any who were not capable of operating deadly weaponry such as the “reaper” drones. The American secretary of defense Lloyd J. Austin III also shed light on the countless successful drone missions as confirmation of American military excellence; such as the ones that successfully bombed weddings, and children’s soccer games. Mr. Austin said “I take pride in the talent we are able to cultivate in our unmanned aircraft systems training courses. It took us years to create a system where we could attract the average American to roll in our basic training on their mobility scooters and learn how to fly a drone in the same effort it takes to learn how to play a videogame. The body mass indexes of the American people has changed, so we had to change war itself and make it seem as close to a computer game as possible.”
However, in a not so surprising turn of events, the drone operator himself, a Mr. Nicholas Bryant had not only taken a video of his exploits over the black sea but had posted it to every single social media website he could think of. Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Linkedin, and somehow even revived the long dead MSN messenger to post his video on. Mr. Bryants vaunting had unfortunate consequences for the US military. The “incident” as it is now known in military circles resulted in besmirching the already besmirched name of the United States military. The kremlin sent letters to American officials stating, “I told you so”, and “you really fly well… on opposite day”. Other military powers also chimed in and threw dirt on the face of the American military might by intense usage of playground insults.
Only time will tell if the greatest military on earth can ever bounce back from this embarrassing debacle on such an international stage.