The Dalai Lama responds to the “suck my tongue” controversy

The Dalai Lama has been embroiled in a controversy where he asked a young boy to “suck his tongue”. This outrageous act has shocked the world as they thought the cute old Dalai Lama could do no wrong. Many were feeling guilty for posting his motivational/spiritual quotes on their Instagram stories.

The Dalai Lama saw heaps of backlash in the beginning along with many supporters for this action. The most vocal support he has received is from NAMBLA, also known as the North American man boy lover association. The association which advocates for relations between adults and children has said “if the Dalai Lama of all people cannot get his tongue sucked by a small boy, then what the hell are we even fighting for man”.

The Dalai Lama has also responded to the controversy. In his response, he deeply apologized to everyone for the confusion of the situation, but also gave an explanation as to why he did what he did. He explained “just as I am a reincarnation of my predecessor, my former lover is also reincarnated. We are usually done so together, but the spiritual forces messed up this time. They waited till I was an old man to reincarnate my great love.” With these words the leader has managed to win the hearts and minds of the people once more. No longer are people fearing the backlash by posting Dalai Lama posts. No longer will dirty white people feel guilty about becoming “Buddhists” even though they have no idea what it is other than “bro it helped me become more connected to the universe bro!”.

The spiritual leader also argued that he would not stop making lewd gestures at the child because he knows he is his reincarnated former lover. He knows he must jog the memory of his love. He said “even if I must expose myself in front of him, I will do so gladly. I am not a pedophile; how can I be one when I love a centuries old man stuck in a child’s body!”.

The world has seemingly forgiven him, but there are a few dangerous “conspiracy theorists” that argue these actions are disgusting and ill befitting of a prominent figure. There is a place for people like this, and that is the looney bin.